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Submitted on
November 15, 2012
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You're the little ship,
In the little glass bottle.
The perfect, complex scene.

I'm the little kid,
Who wants to free the ship.
The perfect, complex dream.

We're the little love,
That's doomed from the start.
The perfect, complex team.

We're a little broken,
Just like the glass and ship.
How complex perfection seems.
Yeah, have you ever had that feeling where you think something needs to be broken before it gets fixed?

I think that defines my life.
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:iconwh0rem0ans:
wh0rem0ans Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
I iile this. But I would Leave it like this:

You're the little ship,
In the little glass bottle.
The perfect, complex scene.

I'm the little kid,
Who wants to break the glass.
To see if the ship floats.

We're the little love,
That's doomed from the start.
The perfect, complex team.


And, maybe try super soft to make the third line second stanza match the others?
You didn't ask for crit. I can shut up now.
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:iconimportantnobody:
ImportantNobody Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Haha thank you. Don't worry, it's constructive so it's much appreciated :)

I know what you mean about this, because I know the last stanza just doesn't match, but I really like the "We're a little broken" part.
But looking at it again, with fresh eyes, I think I know a way to make it all match.

Which I would love you're opinion on that too, if you're willing :heart:

Hum, changing it now :) thank you!
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:iconwh0rem0ans:
wh0rem0ans Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Ok. I have the memory
capacity of a teeney tiny
bug that only lives for
38 seconds. SO ... All
I can say is this is good.
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:iconimportantnobody:
ImportantNobody Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
Haha I can't remember what it used to say either ^^; Thank you though :)
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:iconwh0rem0ans:
wh0rem0ans Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
:frail:
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